Taking the Wheel of Your Own Emotions
This reflection, inspired by a post on the Pegasus NLP Blog, brought back one of the most valuable insights I gained while learning NLP.
It’s far easier to pin the blame on others when we’re in a bad mood. That way, we don’t need to examine our own thoughts or feelings—we can just say they made us feel this way and try to guilt or pressure them into behaving differently.
But if we take a step back and look at things with clarity, we realize something powerful: no one else can directly alter the way our neurons fire or how our body processes emotions. That’s something only we do through our own thoughts and interpretations.
I recently read The Globalization of Addiction by Bruce Alexander. It’s an eye-opening, well-researched book that explores how various addictions—from compulsive consumerism to substance abuse—are rooted in feelings of disconnection. But his proposed solution was a massive one: to overhaul the world’s acceptance of the free market system. That’s a tough mission to pull off.
It reminded me of something I encountered years ago while reading A Course in Miracles—a lesson that said, “I am never upset for the reason I think.” At the time, it seemed absurd. Clearly, I was upset because:
- People were being difficult
- Systems were broken
- The weather was miserable
- Life was unfair
- Or the universe was just out to get me
But later, during NLP training, I learned how emotional states are built—and more importantly, how to shift them. That was a game-changer. It meant my emotions were shaped internally by my own responses, not by outside circumstances or other people.
Mastering this didn’t happen overnight. But even the realization that I could learn to take charge of my emotional states was incredibly empowering. It didn’t magically remove annoying people or fix broken systems—but it gave me control over my reactions to them. And that alone has saved me an incredible amount of energy and frustration.
This year, maybe it’s time to stop being a passenger and start driving your own bus.
