According to Virginia Satir, about half of people tend to adopt the placater attitude. Those who do so often say “yes” even when they don’t truly agree or want to.

Placaters take full responsibility onto themselves while minimizing or dismissing the role of others. They tend to respect other people’s opinions and the situation’s context, but they neglect their own views. This approach can evoke sympathy but might come across as lacking strength or confidence. Placaters often use language patterns that shift blame inward, using distortions and modal operators to assume fault. Their body language is typically open, with palms facing upward or extended toward others, and they often have rounded, slumped shoulders.

Their speech is agreeable and aims to please — like someone begging or acting submissive. For example, they might say, “Please don’t hurt me,” and often feel guilty about asking for their own needs or desires.

This stance isn’t usually seen as attractive; trying to appear alluring while in a pleading posture, such as kneeling and begging, often feels awkward or off-putting. Constantly trying to please others and expressing gratitude for even the smallest favors can be draining for those around them.

Being in this placater mode can sometimes provoke others to adopt a blamer stance, wanting to assert control or dominance. People might become frustrated by what they see as weakness or passivity.

Placaters often put others’ needs above their own, willing to lose or sacrifice so others can win. They might say things like, “Whatever you want is fine, don’t worry about me, I’m nothing.” This can lead to feelings of victimhood. In negotiations, placaters tend to play it soft and avoid confrontation. While this approach is often viewed as a weak position, it can be strategically useful—for example, when dealing with children, when diplomacy is necessary, or when pretending to be weak to gain an advantage.

Example of a Placater in Action

If a placater arrives late to a meeting, they might quietly take the most out-of-the-way seat. If someone notices and comments, they could respond with:

“I’m really sorry. I hope I didn’t keep anyone waiting. I should have gotten up earlier — it’s completely my fault. I should have anticipated the roadworks. I need to be more mindful of how much worse the traffic gets in the mornings and how my commute affects everyone else. It won’t happen again, and I’ll make it up to everyone by buying lunch.”