Mind reading is when we assume we know what someone else is thinking or feeling without any real confirmation. This habit often leads to misunderstandings and unnecessary conflict, making it an important area to address in effective communication and problem-solving strategies.

The Tendency to Assume Intent

At some point, we’ve all assigned meaning to someone’s actions—or lack thereof—without verifying our assumptions. We might believe:

• Someone is interested in us.
• Someone dislikes us.
• Someone is intentionally trying to hurt us.

Often, we draw conclusions from minor cues, like a raised eyebrow, lack of eye contact, or a missed response, assuming we understand their deeper meaning. However, our interpretations are often biased: we judge others based on how their actions affect us, while judging ourselves based on our intentions.

Expecting Others to Read Our Minds

Just as we assume we know what others are thinking, we also expect them to read our thoughts. We assume they should just know when we are pleased, annoyed, overwhelmed, or distracted—without us needing to express it.

Challenging Mind Reading with Meta Model Questions

To break free from this pattern, we can use specific questions to examine our assumptions:

• “I know you don’t want to come.”
  • How do you know?
  • “You raised your eyes upwards.”
  • I was just checking for rain.
• “My boss doesn’t think I’m management material.”
  • How do you know that?
  • “She never invites me to lunch.”
  • She doesn’t invite anyone to lunch.

By questioning these assumptions, we can develop a clearer and more accurate understanding of situations, leading to healthier interactions and improved communication.