Satir categories are valuable tools for tuning into others’ emotional states, maintaining rapport, calming someone down, and delivering powerful, emotionally engaging speeches. Virginia Satir, through her extensive work with families in therapy, observed that when people experience stress during communication, they tend to adopt certain recognizable attitudes or stances.
Satir found that these stances not only reveal the person’s emotional state but also evoke emotional reactions in those who observe them. Watching skilled speakers—Tony Robbins is a great example—can show how effectively using these stances influences an audience.
According to Satir, people typically communicate using one of five key stances:
- Placater: Soothes others to avoid conflict (to keep peace and avoid getting hurt).
- Blamer: Assigns fault to appear strong and avoid feeling weak.
- Distracter: Changes the topic or acts silly to avoid facing the issue.
- Computer (or Super Reasonable): Uses detached, logical, and intellectual language to distance from emotions.
- Leveler: Communicates honestly and openly about what’s really going on.
Using Satir Categories to Build Rapport and Guide Conversations
To connect well with someone, it’s important to recognize their current stance and adjust your own accordingly, guiding the interaction toward the honest and grounded leveler stance.
- When dealing with a blamer, responding with a placater approach can redirect their focus toward your perspective and the broader situation. But be cautious—it may provoke a stronger blamer reaction if they see you as weak.
- With a placater, responding firmly with a blamer stance can help them balance their views of self and others. Yet, this might make them retreat further into placating if they feel overwhelmed.
- For a computer, shifting between blamer and placater stances can encourage them to engage more emotionally. Using a distracter stance often backfires, making things worse.
- When facing a distracter, initially adopt a computer stance to encourage focus, then gently move to placater or blamer to re-engage them. But beware, too much “super reasonable” approach may escalate their distraction.
- A leveler is comfortable with direct, honest dialogue and can easily connect with another leveler for strong rapport.
Matching another person’s stance exactly rarely helps—two blamers may clash, two placaters may avoid conflict without resolution, two computers can become disengaged, and two distracters create chaos.
Satir Categories in Public Speaking
Skilled speakers use these stances strategically to create dynamic, emotionally rich presentations. By alternating stances, speakers pace and lead the audience’s emotional experience, building strong connections at scale.
For example:
- Speaker (blamer): “People who are overweight are lazy; they never try hard enough.”
- Audience internal (placater): “I’m overweight… maybe I am lazy.”
- Speaker (placater): “But I’m not perfect either—I often struggle to get up on time!”
- Audience internal (blamer): “Well, you’re not perfect either!”
This shifting of stances pulls the audience emotionally and intellectually, creating powerful engagement.
