The need to “save face” can have serious consequences—one of the most striking examples being the Fukushima nuclear disaster.

But what exactly is “face”? It’s easy to assume this is an issue limited to certain cultures, but in reality, we all have a deep desire to be perceived in a certain way. When someone treats us disrespectfully or fails to acknowledge us as we believe we should be seen, it creates a sense of loss. It signals that others don’t recognize our importance or the identity we hold for ourselves.

And to each of us, we are the most important person in our own world. If you’ve ever been in a situation where your survival instincts kick in—like when you’re struggling to hold your breath—you know your unconscious mind does not consider you irrelevant. Seeking respect and acknowledgment is a natural and healthy part of being human.

The Power of Identity

Our identity is a powerful, self-organizing force that helps us navigate life. It shapes what we think, do, and say. How often have you said, “I’m the kind of person who…”? When an event challenges that perception, it can feel unsettling, even threatening.

In fact, shifting one’s identity is one of the most effective ways to create lasting change. Robert Dilts’ neurological levels model explores this concept. For instance, if you’re trying to lose weight, you could start by removing unhealthy food from your kitchen. However, a far more transformative approach would be to adopt the identity of a person who naturally makes healthy choices.

The Need to Save Face

Our self-image—our “face”—is shaped by the way others respond to us and how we interact with the world. It’s like a 3D model representing our capabilities, values, beliefs, and typical behaviors. When this image is threatened, especially if it’s not well-supported by a strong sense of self, the impact can be devastating.

Many people fear humiliation so intensely that it stops them from taking risks. I once went roller skating with a friend, but because he felt awkward and didn’t look “cool” as a beginner, he sat on the sidelines the entire night. Of course, when trying anything for the first time, you’re unlikely to be instantly competent.

This fear of imperfection can have severe consequences—whether it’s avoiding challenges, refusing to admit uncertainty, or insisting on being right. In extreme cases, it can prevent people from seeking help even in critical situations—like when a nuclear reactor is on the verge of meltdown.

How often do we let fear of losing face stop us from doing what truly matters?